home.

growing up abroad, our little family motto was always "home is where your toothbrush is."

now that i've grown up a little, i've come to realize. home is where there is love. "where the heart is" is sooooo laaaaame- but i feel love in a few different places. wherever my mom and dog are... wherever my brothers are, either one or both... or at my grandma's... or with my cousins...

family is wonderful. Christmas was wonderful. to be honest, i didn't get anything really really cool for christmas- some coach sunglasses, a couple AMAzING bras fro victorias secret, and gift cards. This was the first Christmas i truly didn't care though. i've always said "it's not about the gifts"... but i really felt it this year. blame it on the economy, but being around my crazy loud country family, and laughing with them was better than any physical gift. within reason, i mean... i definitely wouldn't turn down a new laptop or a prius or an elephant or something... i'm just sayin.

anyway, a year after Jordan's passing, same house, same family... it was a different dynamic, sans a few people (namely my brothers and jordy)- but definitely the same, lovely, comfortable warm fuzzy feeling. they may be nuts... but i love my family. i love to be loved. and i wouldn't trade 'em for the world.

next up: New Years in Dallas. :))) Ethan's parents have invited my mom over, so it'll be me n him- and i'm sure we'll find some shenanigans to get up to, hopefully but not necessarily with more people.

i must go to bed. i need to catch up on my sleep- this wakingup at 6 am twice in 3 days was just not acceptable.

i am such a dork.

i don't have real feelings. please disregard that last post.

Christmas is in a week... still haven't really sussed out what i want to get anyone. i'm not very excited about it this year. life has just been difficult, and nothing is easy anymore- especially with out family. when Jordan died (which will be a year ago on the 20th) things really went downhill- as if things weren't already on a slippery slope to Hades already (thanks Nancy). ugh. and this year, the whole divorced family has really set in... with dad being in the country and all, it kinda forced matt and i to make our own decisions about where we wanted to be... i feel like i should be there for Kaitlin and the rest of the family, since it's a tough time of the year for them- whereas matt is letting the guilt of our other grandmother, Ginny, losing her mind, and dad about to move to Nigeria get in the way... so he'll be with them for christmas. it's sad, because Matt and Nate are the 2 people i want to spendd the holidays with the most, and i won't get to see either of them Christmas day. (though, i think Matt may stop by here Xmas eve on his way out there, and Mom and i are making reservations to possibly go see Nate new years. so i'm really ocmplaining for nothing.) i guess it's just the novelty of spending actual Christmas day with the people most important to you. ah well... one day.

on another note, New York has all but completely fallen through. my dad won't pay for it. period. so, i'm looking at UTDallas. once things in my life are a little different, maybe in time for getting my masters, it'll be time for New York... but all things happen for a reason, and there is a time and place for all things, and i guess right now just isn't the time for me to do that. I refuse to admit that he is right, but he does have some good points. I should stay in the south for a little while longer, if for no one else than Buddy. :) such a cute little shit.

time for bed. i must get something accomplished tomorrow... what, i'm not sure, but it'll be something.

celine dion can suck it.

taking chances is crap.

i don't like this feeling i have- i put myself out there emotionally, for the first time in... a long time. like... in 4 years. and just have this distinct feeling that i'm just setting myself up for heartbreak. actually, it's not a distinct feeling- i know (thanks facebook) that i am no longer the one and only. and it hurts. that being said, it's not like we're even close to being in any resemblance of a relationship, so i have no real right to be jealous or anything. It's just...

i feel like i have emotionally invested in a dead end street. and i feel silly for it. and i hurt. but for no valid reason.

talking or texting or whatever almost daily, hooking up... that should mean something, right? but it doesn't mean enough to qualify for that exclusive label that i'm wanting. what the hell is wrong with me?! i've never wanted that!! exclusive label, are you kidding me?! i guess it's just knowing i'm no longer the top of the list that hurts, and makes me feel like i want to be exclusive... i dunno what the hell i'm saying. i mean, i would want to be able to be with other people too, if i wanted to... i just... don't want to. i don't want to be with anyone else.

ew. i am disgusted at myself for acting like such a foolish little girl. i'm not being fair. i need to see this for what it is, and move on. long distance just doesn't work. i've known this all along- i just let myself get too caught up in the prospect of it... probably because i'm lonely here. i just need a new distraction... that's not this.

i guess it's that i don't like that i risked something, put myself out there... and got burned. i'm not used to this predicament. it stings.

I wish it were easier for my heart to do what my brain tells it to.

reason vs passion, right Khalil?

Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite.

procrastination.

i will not get on facebook. i will not get on facebook. i will not get on facebook.

i will continue studying for my bio final in 10 hours.

...i will not get on facebook.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

reason #584 i'm lame.

one of the things that excites me most about the new year is using my snazzy new grown up black leather with a cute buckle daytimer, whose filler pages i just ordered. wish i would've known that there was a student section where the calendar year started in august though, or i would've ordered them way sooner. ah well, i got it for like half the price! woo! good lord i'm cheap.

Christmas is around the corner- 2 weeks away, to be precise- and i haven't really gotten anything ready for anyone. that, and i don't have plans. because my family sucks at making plans. everyone's reluctanat to go other places, and we're all poor. My dad wants me to come to Midland with his family... my Grandma has pretty much lost her mind- called me Tami half the time last year at thanksgiving. i feel guilty, but i really just don't wanna go. all they do is talk about how they don't really know me, and i wanna be like "WELL THAT'S WHY I'M HERE! GET TO KNOW ME!" ugh. my uncle Phil said like, 2 sentences to me last year. when it comes down to it... i'd rather feel really loved at Christmas, than just a sense of obligation.

I need to shop for people. i've bought a couple things, but can't really decide who to give them to... ill see. i'll probably just end up giving people starbucks cards lol. FAIL.

i like red. i think it's my favorite color. i'm wearing a lot of it today.

also, i used my amazing bargaining power with my boss to get off for xmas eve, and new years eve through jan 11th! she asked me to come in for someone AGAIN, and i was like "k so here's the thing.... since i allllways come in when you ask me to, could i get a big favor from you?"

Kelly: 1, Starbucks: 0.

booyah, grandma.

ps) i'm quite certain this girl at work has a girl crush on me. i get uncomfortable when people call me babe. siiiiigh. .......it's tough being a sexy bitch. ;) lol. (too bad i'm actually just a total nerdy awkward spaz. i just hide it well.)

date with my charming british boy in a week or so! who'd have thought, 5 years ago, that this would happen. haha.

giving thanks.

so, thanksgiving is around the corner, and it makes me feel obilgated to think about the things i am thankful for- well, obligated is poor word choice, as it makes me sound like a douche; truth be told, i think about things that i'm thankful for on a pretty regular basis, but never sit down and write a list. which is not what i intended to do here, i just haven't written in a while and that's the foremost thing in my mind right now. that being said though- i am thankful for family. friends. my sanity. music. nature. art. strength. food. rest. animals. intimacy. my brain. ...all equally. also, i am thankful for possibility. My future is a gigantic sliding glass door of possibility, and yet i keep running into the glass trying to figure out which way to go through. I'm thankful that i have the freedom to do anything i want to with my life- but that much opportunity is quite the burden, when trying to choose a path in life.

I emailed Hunter admissions office today about transfer credits, and i will be forever thankful if my un-accredited community college classes will transfer. I'm so sick of rules that serve no purpose. i mean, i'm sure they serve some kind of purpose, in other cases... but i like to think that i am the exception to the rule, in most things in life. including, but not limited to, my education. i promise, they're not from a community college in someone's basement!

I just watched the latest episode of Dexter. it was intense, and i am obsessed, and that's all there is to say about that.

It's funny, things you learn about yourself as you get older, and begin to take your place in the world; i mean, i've yet to find mine, obviously... but i do seem to keep fitting into the same roles in other people's lives. mainly as a listener, someone people see as a nurturer of sorts, that they can open up to- which is definitely not the idea of myself that i've always had. and yet, time and time again, people come to me for advice, and i still don't understand why because i'm quite sure i suck at advice! i don't tell people what they want to hear, i tend not to cater to their emotions, especially when they're asking me about something stupid. i can't do drama. my brain doesn't work that way, i'm not a real girl. SIGH. dear co-baristas: your drama is taking up too much of my time and life. quit it.

i just got sidetracked and watched this video of a guy i went to highschool with that i had a thing for, Grant, do stand up... he totally tanked. it makes me feel better about myself, in a twisted way. :)

i should go to bed. wait... cookie crisp. then bed. yep.

hot mess.

this weekend was just.... amazing. on so many levels.

Janet, then Amy Winehouse... i got told my nose is perfect, and thus made a new best friend.

wine is excellent. and so are friends. and so is... well.... that other part of this weekend. but actually that was beyond excellent. 

i am not my own, for i have been made new.

please don't let me go, i desperately need you.

i like being liked.

last night at work, both people i work with (my shift supervisor and the other barista) of their own accord, separately told me that i am their favorite barista. and i've only been there... less than 2 months?

i just like when people like me.

i mean for the most part, i don't give a damn what other people think of me, and i'll say that- but really that only applies to when people think have something negative to say about me. i'll silently take it as constructive criticism if it's relevant, but most times i'll just stubbornly say "whatever." and let it go. i used to not actually be able to do it, but i've learned- it's gotten easier. however, when someone LIKES me- i totally give a damn. it gives me warm fuzzies. maybe i'm just becoming more reliant on positive reinforcement, the less friends i have. (obviously i still have friends, but it's astounding the number of people that just won't put forth the effort to keep in contact- and i'm just as guilty, i guess, with the whole "out of sight out of mind" concept. except with the people i really give a damn about.)

on another note, i know that i was just a dumb highschooler a couple years ago- but i want to cut them now. half of langham creek high comes into starbucks on the weekends, pulling the same dumb shit i used to- trying to be cool, making stupid ass jokes, and it's just sooooo obnoxious. it's true, college really does change you. i'm in the process of finding out who i really am, and i feel i'm a whole lot closer than i was in highschool, even though i thought i knew at the time. a little arrogant of me, i guess. but then again, that's part of growing up too- realizing you were a total douche, once you're not anymore.

and speaking of starbucks, here's a breakdown of my new pet peeves, in no particular order:

* girls as small as me, ordering nonfat sugar free drinks. i understand cutting back if it's a daily thing to keep your figure, but honestly, one 300 calorie frappuccino is NOT going to make your ass double in size. trust me. if it did, my ass would be so big, that other asses would want to orbit it.

* people who order caramel frappuccinos- (especially mexicans, wtf)- probably the drink i make the most, and yet, there are sooooo many things that are so much better on the menu! they suck! the coffee base is nasty! maybe i'm biased because i make the stuff, but it tastes exactly like it smells when you mix it, and just... ick. waste of calories. get a vanilla bean.

* cheap ass highschoolers who come in with ike, 20 people, and all get water. just no. get a job and order a drink. 

* people who want me to put cream and sugar in their black coffee for them. we have a condiment bar. that's what it is there for. i have other shit to do.

* people who order 5, 000, 000 drinks at a time, all different variations of the same thing. (i need one with 2 splendas, one with nonfat milk, one needs 10 pumps mocha, one just 9... that kind of thing.)

* people who, once they order, come and stand at the bar with their arms crossed, looking at their watch, OR who lean on the counter and watch my every move. quit creepin. your drink is on its way.

* people who let their kids run around and make noise, with a light up noise making lightsaber. this is not fking disneyworld. i did my time, and if you don't grab your kid and make him shut the hell up, i'm gonna take that lightsaber and.... well, you get the idea.

* and last but not least, rude people. what the hell. so unneccesary. abruptness when ordering. then at the drink handoff, they look at the drink, blankly stare at me, and go "this is wrong." when it's WHAT THEY ORDERED, they just forgot to tell them everything they wanted with their drink. AHHH!

luckily, none of these outweigh the fact that i like my job, and most people i work with. except the ones that are clique-y or steal my tips. it's mainly just the customers. =)

Big White Room.

so, i shouuuld be studying for my history class.

however, i've been thinking a lot about htis, so i need to write it all down so i can be un-distracted.

i am sick of my life not having direction anymore.

so i'm gonna go back to be a vp major, and hopefully a double major in something that i can use, like health sciences. 

at hunter college in manhattan.

in the fall.

maybe this spring semester i'll go to massage school so i can have something to use for money while i'm in school & post-school, just in case the double major thing doesn't work out.

i'll hopefully get my masters in pedagogy, if i can find somewhere that's NOT baylor that offers it.

i've gotta get my shit together and audition and apply and get some SERIOUS financial aid.

but i need to do this. it makes sense. music makes sense for me. it's, like it or not, what i can see myself actually doing for the rest of my life, as opposed to being stuck somewhere, doing something not fun/challenging. as frustrating as it is, that i am cut out this way.... i am. so i'm going to embrace it.

getting back into voice lessons, even though my teacher is supacrazy, is possibly one of the best things i could've done this semester- i'm feeling better about myself, my life (except the whole confusion thing) and i'm getting back in the right mindframe. i can do this. and i will.

as my slightly douchebaggish hs choir director put it yesterday, "going to school for music is like going to boot camp- no one likes it, but it's not permanent, and it'll get you where you need to go." his and his damn masculine similes.

SO.

it is what it is.

i'll get my shit together.

stick it out for the next few years.

and go back to being me.

*sigh of relief*

ps- crazy thinks i'm not a mezzo? ...eff. i got so used to the identity. and if i'm not a mezzo, that means i've got a lonnnnng way to go training-wise. 

Before i Forget

now that i'm getting older and my memory is fading (i sound 80) and mainly cuz i don't have my old passports, i need to write down a list of countries i've been to- i'm curious.... i guess i'll do states, too, just to see. 

[North America]

Mexico (border town, i dunno if that counts)

USA states:

Texas

Oklahoma

Florida

Louisiana

Arkansas

New York

California

Tennessee

Georgia

Illinois

Missouri

New Mexico

Colorado

Mississippi

Alabama

Hawaii

[Europe]

Norway

England

Ireland

Scotland (is that just part of the UK now?)

Denmark

The Netherlands

Germany

Switzerland

Italy

Vatican City- (i think it technically counts as its own country, like singapore)

France

[Australia]

[Asia]

Malaysia

Thailand

Singapore

Indonesia

16 states, 18 countries.

NOW- my to do list, for once i get rich- (whether it be by gold-digging, or preferably, my own means.)

Canada

[Central & South America]

Jamaica

Guatemala (i have friends i can visit, yay disney)

Chile

Argentina

Brazil

Peru

Colombia

[Europe]

Spain

Portugal

Greece

Czech Republic- i hear they're big drinkers.

Russia- otherwise, i have no desire to go to East Europe. Or the middle east, for that matter.

[Africa]

Morocco

Egypt

South Africa

Kenya

Tanzania

New zealand

[Asia]

Japan

Vietnam

India

Maldives- honeymooooon, whenever i god forbid get married.

North Korea! it'll never happen, but i can try.

ANTARCTICA

...this isn't all too much to ask, is it? my dad's been to more than 50 countries, last time we counted. 

i wanna see penguins.

and lions.

One of my favorite poems of all time

I Am Not Yours by Sara Teasdale

I am not yours, not lost in you,

Not lost, although I long to be

Lost as a candle lit at noon,

Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still

A spirit beautiful and bright,

Yet I am I, who long to be

Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out

My senses, leave me deaf and blind,

Swept by the tempest of your love,

A taper in a rushing wind.

the madness continues.

So, the water main? that busted 3 houses down, in my last blog? well, yesterday it busted again. next door. they had to dig up my neighbor's driveway. 

(unfortunately it wasn't the neighbor on the other side of us, who i'd love to see something ridiculous like that happen to her- she's a gigantic bitch. lives alone, 4 ferrets, very possessive of her yard. when we were moving in, she left a nastygram on our uhaul after it being there for ONE day saying "my front lawn is NOT your personal parking space, PLEASE MOVE"- so today i go over there to ask if matt can have like, a third of his truck on her side, just to be courteous, while he's in colorado... and she goes "well i've got a question- what's wrong with YOUR yard?" ...it IS our yard. the other side is tiny and has the mailbox on it, you lonely old hag! ugh. i dont wish bad things on people, but y'know, if they had to dig up her entire driveway because the water main busted again... i would probably giggle. and put her reaction on youtube...)

but i digress. =D

so i was watering the front lawn and got bitten by 500 mosquitoes... and then i went to use the new sprinkler, the twirly kind, in the backyard- so i turned on the water, but it wasnt working, so i went n  got all the kinks out... and of course, when i got to the kink closest to the sprinkler... it goes WHOOOOOSHSHHSHSHSHSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and i go "AHHH!!" and i got SOAKED! i was trying to like, place it where i wanted it and run away from teh water at the same time but it covers 360 degrees, so i ended up running away from it. i got in a fight with the sprinkler, and the sprinkler won.

epic. fail. even my mom called me a fail.

this evening = fail. 

i hate not talking to people i talk to on a daily basis, it's weird. talking to em becomes a habit, y'know?  guess it's the same when you're actually in a relationship- when you break up, it's like quitting a habit, cold turkey, cuz you're expected to not speak to them for a while. and it's good for you, to not speak to them, so that it can be a clean break without more emotional splatter than necessary... but it's still weird. and sad. and quite lonely. SIGH. 

i wish. lots of things. i wish someone my own age were into me. lol. right now, it's the 26 year old, who's reeally cute... but... he's 26. and i can see through his bullshit, why? because i have a brother who is JUST LIKE HIM. having matt as a brother has severely limited my dating pool- one of those quit before you even start things. he, on the other hand, got our waitress to fall in love with him by the end of the meal tonight, and even made sure she got his number and name so she could facebook stalk him. what the hell. he's just... he's just matt. always has been. i keep thinking that he'll grow up one day, but maybe this is it? dear god i hope not, for his future wie & family's sake. lol.

what's happening now:

we came home from taking matt to the airport... and our house was 80 degrees. our air con is not working, and i'm currently writing this in a sports bra and shorts, with a fan blowing. the temp has risen to 83. excellent.

maybe the repairman'll be cute ;)

further evidence that i think God likes to laugh at me

k, so i've got an interview at Starbucks tomorrow and wanted to make a good impression, so i went n bought some hair dye so that I don't look like a crackhead that's been in the sun too long anymore.

On the way home, we see water gushing from the yard of some people a couple houses down. no big deal, sprinkler probably broke, right? ...wrong.

I get home, water the flowers to make sure it's not a water main busted or anything- cuz that would be just ridiculous.

proceed inside to begin the hair coloring process- it has to be dry to dye it, so i figured i'd just take my shower when i rinsed it out.

wrong again.

after the appropriate 25 minutes elapsed, i get nekkid and turn on the shower... to discover we have NO WATER. none. at all. a lonely drip plummetted the shower head, as i said "...you've GOT to be kidding me."

i try all the showers and sinks in the house. zilch.

i go outside to the water hose that, an hour ago, had been working perfectly. nuh uh.

there are bright worklights up the street- apparently, they've completely shut the water off on our street and possibly the whole neighborhood so they could fix the problem. thanks for the notification, city of houston!

i go inside- laughing quite hard, cuz there really isn't anything else to do at this point. my dear mother doesn't see why i'm laughing so hard- if i leave it on for much longer my hair will shrivel and die and i'll end up looking like a chemo baby- (shoutout to matt and lucky! :D) so what does she do? she, being the resourceful woman she is, thinks of the only place we've got a good amount of water stored- THE TOILET.

long story short... i used toilet water to rinse my hair out in order to keep it from falling out.

toilet water. on my hair. all over my head, neck... and face. mmmmmm mmm mm.

(we used the tank water- not from the germy bowl- makes it a liiiiittle less disgusting)

i'm beginning to think someone up there has it out for me, with all the ridiculous crap i've dealt with thus far. 

I'm going to go find some leave-in conditioner... let's hope the water gets turned back on so i can shower before my interview tomorrow. ....this is just ridic. 

F. M. L.

javajavajavajavajavaaaa

so starbucks called me back this morning, and i got an interview with them on sunday at 2. woo! it'll be like, 1/3 of the pay that fajita willie's would... but i'll go home smelling like coffee instead of fajitas and booze, and that's a big plus.

on another note, this whole situation? fucking ridiculous. i want out. :)

employment.

i got a job! wooo! 

at Fajita Willie's. yes, it's not exactly my first choice- but no one else would even give me an interview. and maybe after 6 months there i can go work at a nice restaurant and start bankin. 

as it is, the manager (Rick?) said that $300/wk for 5 shifts is doable- but only if i work my ass off. he used "hustle" a lot. he talked to me like my dad, which kindof got on my nerves... but hey, the man wants to hire me. so i guess i'll take it.

meanwhile, i'm thinking- what if i go to CUNY Hunter after a year or so here? tuition is triple what im paying at community college, but maybe we'll have more money by then. or maybe i can get some scholarships, or maybe the FAFSA gods will have mercy on me for having a disabled mother and unemployed father, and not look at his previous 5 years of paychecks... ugh. we seriously got screwed for money. 

**note to self- always, always, always keep a savings going. this poor shit isn't nearly as much fun as starving artists make it look- especialy when you're trying to set up a house. and maybe mom will have married herself off by then and moved to california. here's hopin'.

don't ya just hate it when you can't tell if someone thats into you a litle and you're into them is sincere? i'm dealing with that. right now. 2 people, actually- but mainly this guy that was working front desk at a hotel we stayed- he's supafine. 26. but... i just can't take him seriously? i dunno. i guess i need to go out with him and see what happens.

ima go play farkle, i'm up too late.

i need a job.

Ugh.

i have a headache. haven't gotten anything accomplished all day- literally. rolled out of bed at 5 to make food and get a shower, and now i'm back in bed.

I wanna do something other than this i'm feeling very... dissatisfied.

what if i could go to school in hawaii? or california? or new york?

i need to remind myself that i just need to sit still for a little while. all those people who say "you can do anything you want" obviously were never this flat broke. well... most of em. they certainly didnt say it WHEN they were broke anyway.

i wish someone would call me back about a job!

i need to sleep i guess. ...again.

tomorrow's another day- maybe we'll actually get something accomplished.

"To whom much is given, much is expected."

Rev. Kenny Mills said that to me last night- and i don't really know specifically what he was referring to- i guess it applies to a lot in my life, but... i dunno.

He coud be talking about the whole situation with my mom and taking care of her... but what if he's picking up on some like, spiritual thing that i haven't really picked up on- or maybe i've picked up on it and have just been ignoring it for the past few years?

what i mean is... am i suposed to be a worship pastor?

i've had a few people tell me they think i am. people that don't know me, but are all spiritually in tune n stuff. it's just, i've been lax the past few years, to say the least, with my relationship with God... and i would feel like a hypocrite- specifically because there are a few things that i don't agree with when it gets down to church politics- not the main stuff like God n Jesus, but the less important things- i just hate to see churches divided because of disagreements over interpretations of a book. The Bible was the law of the land- at the time. too many people in high positions of power take it out of context and use it to their advantage. like aubrey said, the bible is meant to uplift people, not hurt them- give them a model of a perfect person, Jesus christ, so that we could have something to strive to be like- and ultimately and certainly fall short.

i dunno where i'm going with this. i need to be a better person. i need to tune in to my spiritual side, see if i'm meant for something more than i thought. or different. or... i dunno. i just hate it when God gets under my skin! he doesn't let you ignore him, unfortunately. maybe i'll start looking for church job openings- if it's meant to be, it'll happen.

OMG MT WTF BBQ

MT majors, listen up.

quit being a douchebag. 

refrain from keeping your headshot posted as your profile picture for way too long after they're "new". 3 weeks max. then, please alternate with normal pictures.

do not look down your nose at me because i'm not part of your "club" for not majoring in MT. I am just as, if not more qualified to be in the position you are in- but i've chosen to do otherwise with my major, for my own reasons- so don't assume i can't hack it.

please, for the love of GOD, do not sing Jason Robert Brown unless you can tear that shit up. same goes for anything Belt-y. or just.... just don't sing unless you don't suck- by other people's standards, not your own. if you are mediocre, you will be a waiter forever. so quit now. 

do not wear your character shoes in public, by "accident" because they were the "closest thing to the door" or something. bullshit. you have other shoes. wear them.

before auditions, please don't try to make yourself look superior by "quietly" practicing in the corner loud enough to where other people can hear your 16 bars of "Stars and the Moon" over and over. No one wants to hear that shit.

quit time-stepping while having conversations with people. we get it. you're in tap. now stoppit.

no, i do not want to hear a line from one of your monologues thrown in to regular conversation. nor do i want to hear too many references to songs- specifically, if i hear "let's start at the very beginning- i hear it's a very good place to start" one more time, i will choke you.

learn more songs on the piano than those 4 that you know. please.

most of all though, please just take yourself off of your pedestal and realize that just because you get to pursue your passion does not mean that people want to hear about it, or should bow to you because of it. you are not secretly superior because you have some sort of talent. so quit acting like it.

i guess i could just wait til after you're all out of college to let you realize these things yourself. but i wanted to vent. mainly because i saw on my facebook news feed, practically the entire page was filled with names that had headshots next to them. albeit, very attractive ones, it just made me die a little. 

...maybe i just need to get my own headshots. alas, poverty strikes again.

**side note- kate, if you read this- i fully support you being an mt major. because you're actually legit talented. but.. you know the people i'm talking about. gotta love ocu. *headdesk*

Academia

I officially am no longer attending Oklahoma City University. at this point in time, i will be attending community college until we are less poor, getting lots of basics out of the way, working, and then will go on to study Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy or something related. Job outlook is fantastic, it's something i find interesting and would enjoy, medical but no blood or people's insides, and i get to wear cute scrubs.

fierce.

omg, i'm not dead!

so, this is my first post in almost 3 months.
...whoa.
I think i would've been better about keeping it updated, but my internet decided to just completely suck once the roommate with the router moved away, so i disconnected myself from the online world. alas, while this happened, lots and lots and lots of changes happened- so here goes, in bullet point form.
* I finished my god-forsaken online class with a C-. i was failing miserably, but pulled 2 all nighters, and got A's on both my final exam and research paper.
* Ethan and I moved Matt down to Orlando, with nothing but his suitcase and backpack and like $40. we just missed that boy far too much. It went from being E and I to 301 again, (basically), and it rocked.
* E quit Disney, and he, Matt and Erika all moved into an apartment- 15301, ironically.
* They got shittens. Axel Rose, Brie Van De Kamp, and originally Bellatrix Lestrange, til they discovered she's a boy. it's now Draco.
* I dated Brian for a little, before i realized it was ridiculous to be dating a man 15 years older than me that wasn't rich, and who i didn't even really like that much in the first place. i just liked the attention- i mean, c'mon, what girl doesn't?
* Mike moved in with the boys while he was waiting to sell his car- his intended weeklong stay turned into a month, in which we dated, hooked up a lot, and i practically fell in love. but we didn't let it go very far, cuz the end was imminent. *sigh* miss him.
* I cooked some kickass meals along the way- Spicy ass chicken and down home cookin night, grilled salmon night, Chicken Taco night, Spaghetti night... there were also a couple periods of time where we lived off of the dollar menu, frozen corn dogs, cereal, and grilled cheese.
* We painted. so. much. in the 2 week period that Orlando didn't see sun, we turned their new apartment into something out of an urban outfitters catalog. I painted a sunset on a piece of cardboard that i was just doing for the hell of it, and it turned out gorgeous- it's now hanging up in the kitchen.
* Katemonster came to visit! ahhh!!! so much fun. and she's basically allergic to outside and developed a horrible rash from sunscreen when we went to the beach and Disney... teehee. quite comical, except for the whole discomfort thing.
* We went to Destin again! i called it my pre-birthday trip, but actually it was just to hang out at Anne-Marie's beach house.
* Matt adopted a gigantic Pit Bull/Boxer puppy. we named her Boo :)
* I finished season 4 of Weeds.
* I came back to TX to see my family for my birthday, ate at Lupe's, and remembered what i had been missing.
* I realized, upon my return to Disney, that there wasn't much there for me anymore- the boys are wonderful, but I was tired of playing mommy and didn't want to end up hating them because i stuck around too long. mainly though, my job was still the same old mundane stuff, but hotter outside with crankier guests, and i got tired of it. especially of a manager that will remain anonymous, for reasons that will remain unpublished. I was in a funk for at least a week, and coincidentally got a call from my mom saying that i might need to move home, because Dad was probably going to lose his job. i took the opportunity that presented itself, quit Disney, packed my stuff up, kissed my boys goodbye and moved back to Texas.
* since then.... i've stayed in the majestic double-wide in Cuero, and developed a routine of doing nothing- wake up at noon, eat, tan on the porch, watch tv, go for a jog, watch more tv, go to sleep. excellence.
* plus, i chased down a private investigator before church one morning. jerks.

We're currently looking for a house, in an undisclosed location (shhh- suck it, private investigators), and i think we found one!

i think i got pretty much everything... i'm sure i left out a lot of stuff that made my life really colorful, but seems small... like Ethan myspace stalking til he found that guy in cirque.

i got a twitter. it's kindof useless, but whatevs. everyone else jumped off that bridge.

oh, and i have a new crush! ;) ...if only...

l u r k i n g s a n d w i c h

who the hell is rearranging furniture upstairs?

I CAN'T CONCENTRATE.

i seriously think i might have ADD or something... this is my LAST assingment, the last thing i will ever have to write for this damn class (crossing my fingers that i pass it because pre research paper and final, i had a 66. =/ 

i got off work at 7 30, hung out with the gang for a little bit, came back here at 8 30... 

it's now 11:20. and the only things ive successfully done since i got home have been:

- shower the cinco de mayo smell off me (oh what a night)

- get on facebook. a lot.

- check out my tan lines while i walked around naked for an hour.

- talk to matt on the phone, bitch at him for never calling mom

- go to flippers and get a salad and chocolate cake, in the hopes of seeing my sexy flirty waiter guy. alas, no Tim. but cake is almost as good. i'm making myself write my paper before i can have any though.

- read the guidelines for the essay, and go "oh..shit."

my paper is due in an hour and 37 minutes. 

FML.

internet is going off NOW.

kthxbai.

looks like a model, except she's got a little more ass.

i am OBSESSED with Lovestoned off JT's album lately. ever since we went to Pulse the other night. which was SO much fun. 

Lately, which i love, it's been me, ethan, Britain, Erika, and MATT the love of my life who we spontaneousy bought a one way ticket for a weeks ago to come down here. so now he's here. and it's wonderful.

mom came to visit for a bit, and i had a blast with her. she cracks me up. i was needing my mama fix.

Brian likes me WAY more than i like him, but i think i like the attention that he gives me way more than id like to admit. Franco has moved on, and Hugo still is pining. lol. now i'm in love with the guy that works at flippers- but every time i go in, i look like hell, but he still flirts with me. im gonna get cute, go in and give him my number ne day soon. and now, thanks to this evening, there's a guy britain works with at Joe's who is interested in me, and i think he's cute... we'll see where that goes.

i had to write a BITCH of a research paper on Edith Wharton and her crazy affair with this biseual journalist... i loved writing it, it just sucked that it took so damn long. and MLA citation can SUCK IT. 

but after i did that i rewarded myself with going out to the pool and not thinking about anything but clouds and how small we are and birds and how they fly and how i'd love to get a tan. tomorrow will hopefully be a repeat. 

i need to figure out how to ask britain to not smoke in my car withut being a douche. 

still dont know what i want to do with my life. ideally? i wanna be an FBI agent. how cool would that be?! i'm thinking of maybe majoring in english or something.. i'm just not interested enough in any specific thing to study it for 4 years. fml.

kittens, inspired by KITTENS!

blogosphere

i don't know why the title is "blogosphere", it just seemed appropriate.

i currently am COMPLETELY obsessed with Strangers with Candy and Dexter. can't watch enough. 

I knocked on the drivethru of arby's last night at 1am cuz they forgot my Horsey sauce.

oh, and did i forget to mention i kissed 2 guys, both of whom i work with, AT WORK in 1 DAY without either knowing about the other. they both think we're dating, which i guess we are. oh and a third has a big ol crush on me and  kindof kissed him tonight- he told me, and, he didnt have a romantic translation but just a literal one, that i "take him out of his chair." i asked "like sweep you off your feet" and he said yes! and that he could not be held responsible for his future actions. 

which brings me to my question:

what in the world has happened?! have the planets aligned in such a way that 3 very attractive guys are into me?! (should i mention that 1 is Chilean and 1 is from Ecuador?!) i just don't even know what to think about this, but im relishing it while it's happening. it'd be dumb of me to commit to 1 of them, because i dont want to! guys do this all the time and get called a player and congratulated. women do it and apparently we're sluts? go figure that one out.

anyway, theres my rant. this blog doesn't really have a point, other than i havent updated in a while. 

oh, i worked til 2 30 toight, and i will again next friday saturday... Studios is hosting "Grad Night" and for some godawful reason theyre keeping muppets open. FML. teenagers can really be douchebags- and i say this being exactly a ear older than these kids. 

I saw Katy Perry on my break tonight! she's so terribly cute. skinny as HELL, and kinda cracked out... she was really hyper. i love it. 

turkeyyyyyyy.

Love will be the death of me

first of all, i've recently begun noticing how my personality has changed since highschool. i'm more responsible and yet continue to make highly irresponsible choices, i am more apathetic but care too much most of the time... it's all a terrible dichotomy. My personality no longer makes sense. i fear that i'm becoming schizophrenic or something- ive got my work persona, my hanging out persona, my family persona... all quite similar, yet distinctly different. 

on another note, i wish someone would tell me what to do with my life. seriously. someone PLEASE pick a school, a major and a place for me to live, and i will appreciate it immensely. 

A huge part of me feels no desire to go back to oklahoma city, after being spoiled to this fabulous state... and yet still, there is a small part of me thats longing to go back, in hopes that life would be a little different, a little brighter, maybe a little warmer. especially with prospects of a new fulfillment in switching majors and, lest i forget, romance.

I'm only just now starting to find myself, in the midst of all of this-  i dont know when, or even if i'll ever completely reveal mysef to myself though. i guess it will just take time. I can't wait to find out where all of this is heading though- anticipation of the unknown is my current definition of agony. no, not agony- just endless frustration, confusion and emotional drainage.

enough with these ramblings for now. 

orange groves

so, there are some new things on my radar.

#1- going on adventures is something i am quite fond of, and something which i have been doing quite frequently. a tentative list:

- Cocoa Beach- i watched a space shuttle launch!! the beach at night is amazing- i've never felt more connected to the earth and close to God, at the core of it all- not the glamorous church'd up God, but simply our creator, the huge essence behind this GIGANTIC scheme of things, in which we are just microscopic dots on the radar. nothing can make you feel so small as the ocean and the sky, separated by a paper thin, infinite horizon. the infinity of it all makes you want to cry, merely at the thought of your own insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

- Disney World (of course)

-Cirque Du Soleil- blows my mind. half price tickets are the best.

- the Little Boxes on Wisteria Lane in Celebration, FL... we saw a legit homicide crime scene, with CSI units and yellow crime scene tape and EVERYTHING one night around 1am, in the middle of this PERFECT stepford community. they have their own charter school, big church... insanity.

- Wonderworks. epic tunnel. 'nuff said.

- Downtown Orlando Ghost Tours. creepy, crazy stuff.

- the orange groves on Overstreet. We happened upon them one night when we were lost behind the magic kingdom. E pulled over, i got out to go pick one, and when i stepped out, the smell... is like Heaven. literally. acres upon acres of orange trees surrounding this little neighborhood, and wind willing, you wake up to smell that every day. funny thing is- every time we go there before midnight, you can't smell it... but the later it is, the sweeter the air becomes. i currently have 2 fresh pciked oranges in my car, and we've got 4 sitting on E's counter. i'll never see oranges the same again.

-WholeFoods- just whoa with the healthy tastiness. and their huge chocolate and dessert and gelato section. just whoa.

#2- i have officially added more accents to my spieling repetoire at work- today i was british for an hour, went to southern alternating with normal for a while, then became my new game show host self. it's completely heinous.

#3- i'm not going back to oklahoma. i'm going to give my mom the green light to move to Ft Lauderdale, i'd like to go to Valencia, change my major to PR, live with ethan (and matt when he gets here,) work at disney seasonally, maybe in a year transfer to FSU or UCF, continue voice lessons, start dance lessons, become more of myself and less of a mold. i understand i won't be so close to family, but my mom and brother are in this state, and i'll come back to the south to visit whenever possible- go on a tour of texas during breaks to see everyone. there are people in oklahoma that i will miss, and people in oklahoma i wish i could get to know better and spend some time with, but i need to let it go- there will be people here in florida too. people to go to the beach with! now i just need to let my parents know... 

it's terrifying, making big decisions. it's like this dreadful feeling that if you make something definite, you isolate and rule out all your other options. FML. 

#4- our tour guide on the ghost tour, Beau, is quite the old soul. we ended up chatting with him for quite some time after our tour about musicals, and as it turns out, he's written one and is VERY keen on Ethan and i doing a read/sing thru, with some tweaking or fine tuning or general suggestions thrown in. it sounded VERY complicated when he was explaining it, and i know we both got a bit lost, but that only proves that a) its complex enough to be totally original and b_ Beau knows it better than the back of his hand. it is his baby. oh, and best part about it? he made the leading female a brunette mezzo ;)

New To Do list:

-get off the internet and finish the midterm paper that was due 2 days ago

-read Ethan Frome

-quit lying to Disney

-fix. hair. asap. 

-find something epic to do tonight

-get a tan

-make up my mind... on everything.

-flirt

-learn some new songs

-keep my skin clear!

-go to the gym... HA. 

-get a massage on monday

-stay happy

I'm a big ol faker.

i called in sick to work yesterday, because it was just too darn pretty outside to go hang out with the muppets crew inside that drab little break room. plus, i had like 500 things on my to do list, none of which i had accomplished in the week i had been thinking about them. I told them i had food poisoning from Wendy's- i'm not sure how many times i've used that excuse, but its always been to different people! ha. 

i slept in, filled up my car with gas, got a car wash FINALLY, cleaned out the inside, changed out the 6 cd's ive been listening on repeat, ate lunch alone outside at panera and loved every second of the beautiful, beautiful weather. it's hard not to smile, living here. I was on my way back to do my laundry when i saw a salon and spa place, so i went and got a pedicure. after i was done the lady asked me if i wanted to have my eyebrows waxed- someting ive never done before. I agreed, because a) i am in a stage in my life where i am trying as many new things as possible, and b) i have a feeling she was coverlty telling me i needed to have them waxed. i went in, and well... i actually kindof enjoyed it. the room was so relaxing, and my pedicure had been so nice, and it just felt like ripping bandaids off. no big deal at ALL. oh, and after i got ALL my laundry done! (well, they've yet to be taken out of the clean basket and folded, but i did it!)

now, i just need to write my midterm essay... that was due wednesday. :o

i think i will write it as soon as im done writing this blog- i started it last night but couldnt finish- and then when i submit it the comment box will go something like this:

"professor, i'm SO sorry this is 2 days late! i got food poisoning from wendy's on tuesday night, was sick all day wednesday, and then they hospitalized me for dehydration. basically, today was the first time i was able to get to a computer and sit down long enough to write without feeling sick again. 

i'm such a liarrrr! ahh! i hate that i do this. i slack off, and then come up with ridiculous excuses and pray for mercy. in all actuality, on wednesday night ethan and some friends and i went gator spotting in the everglades and then came back and had a party. fail.

Today was interesting- i thought my shift started at 9, so i get to work on time, only to realize my shift isnt til 11, and im supposed to close, not go home at 3 like i thought. SO i went and played in the park for 2 hours. I FINALLY got to go on the toy story ride, which totally rocked, rockin roller coaster twice, and i went to the voyage of the little mermaid, where a very marginal Ariel performed. i could SO do that. psh. damn disney and their face requirements. 

so at work, im in an awesome mood cuz i got to play all morning, but then at about 12 i got the worst migraine and felt really nauseous- now i'm chalking it up to me having low blood sugar, but it seemed like a convincing continuation of the food posoning, so they sent me home without question, AND someone took my shift tomorrow! score! yeah, the paycheck will suck, but i don't mind :)

Long, sappy post about my family.

I love my mama.

No one really understands the relationship we have. We got really, really close as i took care of her my senior year, and quite honestly she is my very best friend. Yes, everyone has their little mother/daughter spats every now and then- but she has such a deep understanding of me, and i of her. i appreciate her honesty and candidness with me as i was growing up, about life and love and all that stuff moms are supposed to teach their kids. She worked so hard to keep our family from unraveling, and succeeded, for a very long time. I really can talk to her about anything i want to. she is the most compassionate, loving, and HILARIOUS woman, and i am so blessed and privileged to have her as a mother. one of the things i love about her most, is that she can make people smile anywhere she goes, whenever she meets new people- she brings such joy to others, even if she's hurting on the inside herself. i know she's trying to figure out a ot of things about herself and about her life, and i hope that she keeps moving forward as she has been. right now, she's on a little island off the coast of malaysia, doing a little soul searching, a little writing, and having a blast. i just spoke to her on the phone for the first time in 4 days, and i feel so much better. i'm not as anxious about everything i've been worrying about lately. She has this relaxing effect on me- we both sleep the best when we are back to back, and when we do sleep together we go into this like, hibernation mode and will sleep for 12 hours straight. it's so nice, though we generally miss most of the day!

My dad is a good man.

it makes me sad that, thinking about it, that he didn't really get to participate in me growing up as much as he wished he could've because he traveled so much. as a result, for a very long time i barely had a relationship with my dad, unlike my brother, who is close to him like i am my mom. especially when my parents finally separated, i had some very serious "daddy issues". I am only now, as a young adult, getting to know my father as a man, not "just dad". He's made some huge mistakes in the past, some of which are still very painful to think about- but all the daddy issues aside, i love him. I think that since the divorce and him moving to Saudi and Russia, it has made him FINALLY realize what's really important in life- family. He has become atrociously soft hearted- he's not a fan of it, but i think someone up there is finally tugging on his heart strings, to catch him before he becomes a calloused old man. we're still building our relationship, but I think we're on the right track.

My big brothers mean the world to me.

They're such good guys- each have their flaws, which we love to talk about, but i am so thankful that our parents raised us well, to have manners and love eachother. i would do anything in the world for them, and they would do anything in the world for me. Matt is a one of a kind guy- he has this persona that his friends know him as, but i love that i get to see the other side of him too- the sweet, gentle, wide eyed, funny and a little insecure sometimes little boy that he's always been. Nathan (Chase, whatever) is older than me by 11 years, and so i didn't really get to grow up with him for a very long time before we moved away to Norway. however, as adults, we have become SO much closer it's unreal, when he visited us, or when I visit him. he's got such a good heart, and although sometimes he gets a little panicky like mom, he and i have very similar personalities, and i love just hanging out with him. He's had some rough spots in the last decade, but i'm so proud of him for pushing through and becoming a stronger person for it. They both love eachother and love me, and i am so thankful for them- i know that they will ALWAYS be there for me, and same goes for me to them. They're just awesome.

I felt i needed to write down how i felt about my family, because i miss them all so much right now. it's rough not having someone to hug on as much as you want. (that's the other thing- everyone in my family is SO affectionate, and i love it.)

like mama always said... friends come and go, but family is forever. 

Missy Higgins is Phenomenal.

the title should say it all.

today was just such an unbelievable day. the weather was perfect, so i wore a dress. ethan and i hung out all day, shopped, i bought a CUTE dress at american apparel that i can wear like 16 different ways- we ate a BILLION times, including ethans very epic mahi and tortellini dinner... oh, and then we went to an astonishing concert. oh, and did i mention that Ethan's shirt was made out of the EXACT material- color and physical cloth- as my dress. we matched. SO heinous.

yes, we stood up for like 4 hours and i was in toe-numbing heels and had a migraine. but whatevs.

Lenka, an australian performer i had never heard of before, opened. and omg she was AWESOME. Ethan and i immediately and promptly bought her cd and got it autographed before the next set, and she asked us if we matched on purpose. we gave every one that asked us that a different answer, lol.  

anyway, after a few songs from her, Justin Nozuka comes out. and ok, he's kindof attractive in a "i'm a douchebag and know how attractive i am, but i'm going to dress tackily to make it seem like i don't care". he had on a wifebeater and jeans, and he's VERY skinny and muscly, and he has GREAT hair- but he played with it too much, amost as much as he unnneccesarily riffed during EVERY song. apparently he was sick, and i could hear it in his voice, but i think he tried to overcompensate by riffing and it was just like... chrisitna aguilera, THATS the quantity of riffing we are talking about here. but he sounded great :) he's got a kickass voice- his persona just got on my nerves. and he played for far too long.

MISSY HIGGINS came out and blew my mind.

started off with "Don't Ever", and then played MY favorite song- the first one of hers i ever heard, "secret". then she played like, all of my other favorites, and at one point even pulled out this keyboardy thingy that you blow in to make the sound come out as you're pushing the keys. it was quite entertaining. and she was just so adorable- she's itty bitty!! but her voice is seriously even better live than on the cds. it's just so like, pure and striaght to the pitch and sweet sounding. i guess the biggest thing is that it made me really, really want to do that. i want to get better at guitar, and piano, and start writing my own songs, and perform. i can't even imagine what an experience it is to get to tour and do something like that every night. how awesome.

i wanted to stay for the whole thing, and we basically left before the very last song (which i knew would probably be "steer" but my migraine was killling me, and we had been standing up for SO long that we didnt want to deal with traffic too. 

**note to self** start taking yourself seriously so that you can write your own stuff.

my roommate is snoring.

I love staying up late, and going on epic adventures, and chilling out with normal people. 

i love driving with the windows down and blasting music when the weather is perfect.

i love fireworks and magic.

what i don't love...

is being at a crossroad. in my path in life.

When we were young, life was simple because our parents made all the decisions FOR us- there was never any important choices to make, except if we wanted chocolate or vanilla. Now, suddenly as an adult, we get faced with all these... options. and we're expected to just pick one, blindly, without knowing which path is the one to lead to happiness, and which of them lead to mediocrity, and what have you. my question is this: what do i do?

I don't have a passion for anything more than i have for music. at all. music is something that my mind just connects with- i actively listen to whatever music is on, ever- which is why i can't fall asleep with the radio on or anything- i listen and think about all the different parts of the song and all the instruments and the chord progressions and all that, and it keeps me awake!

I love being trained. i love having a private voice teacher. i love being a music major and feeling intellectual. i love that i'll have a teaching degree if i stay at it.

however.

what if i were to stay here, go to school at UCF or some other comm college, get my degree in Public Relations, move my way up the disney corporate ladder and start doing other parts (entertainment, guest relations, make a wish etc)? that would be so awesome! because i love florida. the weather here is so beautiful and non frigid. and no one is stuck on "oh, i'm a music major at OCU therefore i have rights to be a total prick to you". it's just florida- most of the people here are tourists anyway!i could still do voice lessons and private training and stuff on the side... but i mean, everyone is going to need a REAL career, and i can't teach choir, i couldnt handle that. 

so where does this lead me?

confused, that's where. i don't know. i want to go back to ocu for a semester to see how it works with me being performance, see if there are any people worth staying there for

but like... i really dont want to go back to that god awful state ever again. so i'm screwed. i dunno. i guess i'll have to keep thinking, try to figure it out.

now for something completely different

i am highly attracted to a Chilean guy i work with, Franco. SO cute. and very flirty. He decided to teach me to Merengue when we were alone in preshow in the middle of shows the other day, and omggg... twas nice. 

*snaps back*

yup. i need to go to bed. it's like, 2 30 am, and tomorrow i'm off but i have a full day because I'M GOING TO SEE MISSY HIGGINS IN CONCERRRRTT!!! so. effin. excited. 

oh, and we have room checks in the morning. wtf kind of shit is that?! last time i checked, we're all adults here. wtf.

comedic gem.

This is one of the few SNL sketches i have laughed so hard i actually, literally cried at. 

"...wiiith myyy byyyy myyyyselllf *salute with gimpy hand*."

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/the-lawrence-welk-show/727501/

ps) who knew Anne Hathaway could sing?!

pps) Amy Poehler is SUPER pregnant in here. and that child is going to be the funniest child ALIVE, judging by the parents. Will Arnett and Amy Poehler? i'm thinking hell yes.

Wocka Wocka.

I am working at Muppetvision 3D in Dinsey's Hollywood Studios. My life has been transformed from "laid back, sarcastic artsy girl who sings a lot" to "super busy, super happy and kinda helpful disney employee... who sings a lot. and complains about brazilian tour groups and rude guests when backstage with her fellow Muppety coworkers." 

but seriously, can we talk about these Brazilian tour groups?!! 

first off, i'll explain what it is i actually DO. everyone at muppets gets put into rotation, from greeter, to photocell (counting people, letting the wheelchairs in, answering questions and greeting) to preshow (spiel that no one listens to) to theatre (3 more spiels that no one listens to) to exit, where you collect and stack the used 3D classes to be cleaned- the most MUNDANE TASK IN THE WORLD. 

so today, because the computer system is just SO advanced (you'd think it really would be better at one of the biggest corporations in the world) i got stuck at photocell for literally 4 hours. at one point in time, around 2 pm, we had shows back to back at complete capacity. that theatre holds 584 people and it was FULL! Anyway, when there are like 150 seats and 6 minutes of loading left, i see the flag and the matching jackets, and hear the portugese singing of some song that i have no idea wtf it is.. and my heart sank a little. 150 LOUD ASS BRAzILIAN GIRLS BETWEEN THE AGES OF 14 AND 17 CAME THROUGH, and by the time they were all through and i had to put up the rope because we were at capacity, i was LITERALLY on the verge of a panic attack. here i am, trying to let the guests traveling in wheelchairs in and the make a wish kids with their parents and answering all these questions about where to find things and how long the show is, all the while having 150 completely obnoxious tweens walk by me chattering so damn loud i thought my head was going to explode.

and then my break came. thank God.

anyway, i don't really know where i was going with this, but other than the CRAzINESS i am having a total blast. after i got off work, i went and rode the rockin roller coaster by myself, then went and ate my lovely dinner of a hot dog, pretzel and coke while watching Fantasmic all by my little old lonesome self- and had the best time ever. i couldn't quit smiling. i'm sure i looked like a total creep to the families around me, but i really don't care. i'm so glad to be working at such a magical place, even though it gets crazy and hectic and cynicism-inducing much of the time. but the fireworks every night, and smiles on kids faces when i give them a sticker or when they run at FULL SPEED to hug Pluto or some other character just really makes all the long hours on my feet doing the same old thing totally worth it.

then again, i'm only saying this 2 weeks in. we'll see how i feel after the spring break rush. :)

on a side note, i think my 5 roommates might hate me. i'm never here to bond with them or whatever, wasn't for the first week because my mom was still here so in my free time i was helping her run errands and stuff- and quite honestly, i'd much rather hang out with her than have to go through the whole "gettin gto know you" process with 5 new people. luckily i like them and they all get along, so i really don't care how much i'm here, they can suckit. I don't have to answer to any of them, dammit! ha. reminds me of Jane all over again... oy. "where are yoouuuu, are you coming home tonight?!" ...none of your business, if i'm home i'm home and if i'm not, i'm not! agh!

sigh.

alright, theres my venty ranty happy blogginess for the day. 

"....On behalf of Kodak, thank you for joining us today. As you exit the theatre, please gather all of your personal belongings and take them with you, and you can deposit your 3D glasses in one of the 4 purple bins located at the exit. Thank you, and have a maaagical day here at Disney's Hollywood Studios!"

road trippin- revisited

Okay, so we didn't go with the plan of going through oklahoma city and New Orleans because we realized we just didn't have enough damn time! the day i wrote the last blog, I mapped out our path- 5 hours to memphis, the next day go from memphis to Macon, GA (via Atlanta) for 7.5 hours, and then the next day it would be Macon to Orlando- 6 hours. We safely arrived in Orlando last night, and i check in at Disney tomorrow!!! ahhh!!! here's a play by play of some interesting stuff on the trip.

FIRST of all- we didn't get the hell out of Bentonville until like, 9 pm, because mom kept having to repack her stuff because she had too much. i don't know WHY i expected her to be on time, because she never is! anyway, on the way to memphis nothing very interesting happened besides some great talks and almot hitting a deer- however, once we got to memphis, things took a turn. Driving into the city towards our hotel downtown, it was 2 am, and we saw a guy stripping an abandoned car of all its parts and putting them in the ack of his friends' pickup- to sell, i presumed. then, we almost saw a douchebag driver almost DIE because both anes were taken up by me driving (already 10 over) in one lane, next to a big semi, so he drove around on the right on the median and literally missed a car entering the highway by like a foot. 

we got checked into the hotel, blah dee blah... next day we went to Graceland. oh my god.

i have never had so much Elvis stuffed down my throat- i thought next time i burped, it would be to the tune of "Love Me Tender." omg. Elvis shirts, keychains, bumper stickers, coffee mugs, magnets, pens, GUM... all way overpriced. Overall it was kindof cool, we took a LOT of pictures. his house was cool and all, but the part i really looked forward to seeing we couldn't see- they don't let the general public upstairs to see his bedroom or bathroom (the one he died in) or anything, unless they're family. WHICH, on a side note, i WOULD be if my Grandma had ended up marrying his cousin Terry (Elvis had 2 cousins, Terry and Jerry [lol], and My grandma was engaged to Terry when my mom was little before he went to Vietnam, but since my grandma had been married before and had 3 little girls and the Presley's were Assembly of God, Terry's mama didn't want him to marry her. bitch. I COULD BE RELATED TO ELVIS!!!!)

aaaaanyway, we spent WAY longer than we intended to at Graceland, finaly left for Georgia in the afternoon. on the way, we passed through Mississippi and Alabama, and no joke- the little girl in BFE Alabama didn't know what Starbucks was when my mom asked if there was one nearby. STARBUCKS. fortune 500. she just gave us this blank stare... i could've died.

anyway, we get in to Macon at like 5 in the morning and stayed at this really crappy hotel (don't go to America's best inns- they are the WORST.) Next day i texted MJ, my friend from there and asked her if there was anything we needed to do there before we left, and she told us to go find a Nu-Way hotdog stand. we had no idea what was in store. 

We put in the address in the GPS, and it takes us to this ghettooooo neighborhood- like, seriously ghetto. Nu-Way is this litle hole in the wall place, and my mom and i are thinking "oh dear god" and we walk in, and all that are in there are a bunch of old black men and one old white man, and one of them says to us "you ladies might not want to come in here right now" and we're thinking "what the hell..." but before we could ask why, we hear why. this little white girl about my age is screaming to the TOP of her lungs the most PROFANE language! i mean, i've got a little potty mouth on occasion, but these were like, streams of nothing but profanities. finally, this one black guy she works with just carries her ass outside while she's still yelling- apparently she had been not giving customers their change so they fired her, and she freaked out and was refusing to leave, until they called the cops. ALL this before we even got to order!!! apparently Oprah had eaten there, so we got what they were famous for, their hot dogs, and oh my god they were so good. literally the best Hot Dog i have ever eaten.... ever. their fries rocked too, and i liked thier famous "flaky ice" in my coke (oh god, now i'm getting hungry thinking about it).

so we left Macon, got here last night... passed a bunch of interesting signs and took quite a few pictures that i'll post when i can find the cable.  I'm so glad i got to make that trip with my mom- it's time like those that as insane as she drives me, i really enjoy being with her.

TODAY BARACK OBAMA WAS INAUGURATED AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

i missed his speech because i was in the shower, but the clips i've heard give me hope that he'll be a good president and do our country some good. I don't consider myself to be a conservative or liberal, but I look forward to see what he can do for us, specifically in the economy because the economy blowwwsss right now. that's no news to anyone reading this though. I am so glad i got to see history in the making, watching him and Michelle send off Pres. Bush and Laura in the helicopter- that transfer of power was so awesome. I believe that he will have flaws just like Bush, and hope that change really IS the way this country is headed.

New National Anthem

the random question generator asked for new lyrics to a national anthem, including one animal sound. and of course, i can't pass up making fun of this great nation. It's what all the cool kids are doing, right? 

(ps- Obama's sworn in on the 20th!)

*clears throat*

Oh, say can you see

all the obese; but free,

all the people who love

trips to Wal-Mart and Chili's.

Who have large BMI's

with their large curly fries,

and their IQ's almost

match to that of a toaster.

And the moo of the cows

who have destroyed the DOW,

so that Wall Street became

a cess pool of finance.

What happened to old fashioned small business and honest leaders?!

it's the laaand of the freeee, no wonder the world hates uuuussssss!!!!

(on a side note, i think other countries suck too, for their own reasons. i just couldn't pass up the opportunity to go all Michael Moore in SONG FORMAT?!!!)