Love will be the death of me

first of all, i've recently begun noticing how my personality has changed since highschool. i'm more responsible and yet continue to make highly irresponsible choices, i am more apathetic but care too much most of the time... it's all a terrible dichotomy. My personality no longer makes sense. i fear that i'm becoming schizophrenic or something- ive got my work persona, my hanging out persona, my family persona... all quite similar, yet distinctly different. 

on another note, i wish someone would tell me what to do with my life. seriously. someone PLEASE pick a school, a major and a place for me to live, and i will appreciate it immensely. 

A huge part of me feels no desire to go back to oklahoma city, after being spoiled to this fabulous state... and yet still, there is a small part of me thats longing to go back, in hopes that life would be a little different, a little brighter, maybe a little warmer. especially with prospects of a new fulfillment in switching majors and, lest i forget, romance.

I'm only just now starting to find myself, in the midst of all of this-  i dont know when, or even if i'll ever completely reveal mysef to myself though. i guess it will just take time. I can't wait to find out where all of this is heading though- anticipation of the unknown is my current definition of agony. no, not agony- just endless frustration, confusion and emotional drainage.

enough with these ramblings for now.