Big White Room.

so, i shouuuld be studying for my history class.

however, i've been thinking a lot about htis, so i need to write it all down so i can be un-distracted.

i am sick of my life not having direction anymore.

so i'm gonna go back to be a vp major, and hopefully a double major in something that i can use, like health sciences. 

at hunter college in manhattan.

in the fall.

maybe this spring semester i'll go to massage school so i can have something to use for money while i'm in school & post-school, just in case the double major thing doesn't work out.

i'll hopefully get my masters in pedagogy, if i can find somewhere that's NOT baylor that offers it.

i've gotta get my shit together and audition and apply and get some SERIOUS financial aid.

but i need to do this. it makes sense. music makes sense for me. it's, like it or not, what i can see myself actually doing for the rest of my life, as opposed to being stuck somewhere, doing something not fun/challenging. as frustrating as it is, that i am cut out this way.... i am. so i'm going to embrace it.

getting back into voice lessons, even though my teacher is supacrazy, is possibly one of the best things i could've done this semester- i'm feeling better about myself, my life (except the whole confusion thing) and i'm getting back in the right mindframe. i can do this. and i will.

as my slightly douchebaggish hs choir director put it yesterday, "going to school for music is like going to boot camp- no one likes it, but it's not permanent, and it'll get you where you need to go." his and his damn masculine similes.

SO.

it is what it is.

i'll get my shit together.

stick it out for the next few years.

and go back to being me.

*sigh of relief*

ps- crazy thinks i'm not a mezzo? ...eff. i got so used to the identity. and if i'm not a mezzo, that means i've got a lonnnnng way to go training-wise.