thankful.

Sometimes, one needs to step outside their mind, and take in the beauty of their lives. Life really is beautiful. It's a difficult world, with an abundance of messed up people... but in this world, there's also love. I have such a great appreciation for the amount of love that is in my life, with my family, and friends. Good people are hard to find, and i've been fortunate enough to have a high concentration of them surrounding me all my life; to spend time with, to learn from, to model after. I am so thankful for the capacity of love i have been given, which to my knowledge hasn't been even close to filled- and i hope it never does.

"Strong women... may we know them, may we raise them, may we be them."

the problem with blogging

is that you have to update these things. and if you take forever to do this, lots of stuff happens to where you have to write an EXTRA long blog to catch up for lost time.

i think this is crap. so i will give you a bullet point list of what's going on in the world o kelly.

first and foremost, i have a... wow, hard to type... boyfriend. weird, no? he's mexican and cute and sarcastic and awesome, and i actually really enjoy spending time with him.

#2- i just sent one of my transcripts from ocu to UTDallas, which is looking like where i will be in the fall, unless i don't get accepted... if not... who the hell knows. i'll figure something out. i'm over stressing about all this crap.

#3- i'm actually getting quite good at dance. and my abs are rockin. well, as opposed to what they used to look like. i am so thankful that i'm more attractive now than i was in highschool. i almost feel sorry for the girls that peaked their senior year, and are just getting less cute as time progresses. (that being said- i have forehead wrinkles. fml.)

#4- my voice teacher is almost certain i'm some type of soprano, which means i should probably change my url. sigh.

#5- i am sick of facebook, and would prefer to use twitter exclusively... i think facebook was created by the government, so they can see pictures of your friends, know where you are, what you do.. they successfully made privacy not cool, and i'm not down with that. that being said, i don't have a camera of my own, and there are too many great pictures on there to let go to waste... so alas, i will not delete my facebook account. i'm just silently protesting it more and more.

#5- I FOUND WHERE ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE IN HOUSTON HAVE BEEN HIDING! i found a mall that had a Cafe Express, right across teh highway from my school. my lexus fit right in. i was astounded.

#6- i need to go buy some pants at wal mart for dance, since i left mine at home and don't have time to go home to get them

#7- i have a friend from Disney who lives in Santiago, Franco (the one i kissed but wouldnt date because his naturl body odor was something similar to fritos...) so uh... yeah. i'm worried. cuz i havent heard from him yet, and yknow, there was a ginormous earthquake there? yeah. i'm sure he's fine. sigh.

must run.

i'll tell more about my mexican later.

wtf.

why do some guys think it is appropriate to be creepers? seriously?

i was walking through the parking lot this morning to class, and guy who looked like an uglier Reggie Bush slows his car down to my walking pace, and rolls down his window, and goes "hey... hey!" to try and get my attention. i ignored him at first and kept walking, but he kept driving by me so i turned to him and signed "sorry, i'm deaf and you should fuck off," and kept walking. he drove away, but it really creeped me out. what makes him think that it's okay to approach me like that? in a parking lot, no less? ugh. i don't like it.

nice to know that sign language turned out to be useful though.

On another note... i don't think i'm a real girl.

Adam, the guy that i've kindof been dating.... is like, the perfect guy. sensitive, sweet, smart, good sense of humor... but he's not... i dunno. he's too nice. and it weirds me out. he thinks im perfect, and i wish he would just tease me about sommmething, make a crude joke, anything.

actually, i think all of these things ive been telling myself why i don't like him are just excuses. i just don't like him as much as he likes me, plain n simple. i don't have enough time, unfortunately, to spend getting to know him and doing all the things that couples are expected to do. that, and i just don't really... want to. ugh. i dunno. i'm severly fucked in the head.

what was that word.... fwijed?

ugh. i suck.

hello 2010. please be kind.

I wrote a pretty good new years blog to bring in 2009, but i don't quite have that much time right now to do a good one with quotes and stuff- but i'd still like to write it all down, for my future novel's sake or something.

currently, i am a ...sophomore? at houston community college- (working at disney for a semester really threw off my credits, so i've gotta get back on track with those, maybe take some summer school...)

anyway. i go to houston community college with a lot of winners. I am living with my mother in NW Houston, because Dallas was too far away from Cuero, and her lawsuit is coming up at the end of this month. I am in the process of applying to UTDallas (and UTArlington as a backup) for the fall semester, when i will live in an apartment, and get my mom set up in a house- hopefully in southlake, if we can find a good deal. It'll be nice to have somewhere to come "home" to like everyone else has. I know me and my brothers want to start having holidays with the 3 of us together, but our entire extended family don't always make that possible...

as of today... i'm not really sure what my major is. but i know that if i get into UTD, i'll be on either the BS or BA track of interdisciplinary studies (like a choose your own degree plan thing) and trying to get into med school. music will always be a giant part of my life, and i will be minoring in performing arts- (i already basically have enough credits to qualify for that. I will continue to study voice and dance and acting, and hopefully end up moving to NY and auditioning for things-) but I feel like I should utilize everything i've been blessed with to reach my full potential academically. So, i've just gotta get my ass in gear, make grades i know are possible for me, get through chemistry and calculus, and pray i do okay on the MCAT... we'll have to see where life takes me. Even if i don't get into med school, at least i'll still have a degree i can do something like Physical therapy or something with. i think this path will leave me with many more options, ones that i'd be fullfilled with. i want to help people.

I recently wrote on facebook a pretty good summation of what's going on with the direction i'm headed in life, because it was really starting to worry me.

"i have no clue where my life is going- and am still learning how to be ok with that. all i really know is that i'd like to see as much of the world i can, sing until my vocal chords stop functioning, change the world for the better, and be happy: indefinitely."

as of today, i am the sexiest Barista ever. ...at our store, anyway. I'm happy with my job, even though i kindof really hate it... i like being liked. everyone there makes me feel good about myself.

as of today, i have been "talking to" a few different boys... and i see no problem with that. it's fun. I'm not about to get serious with anyone until i have some sort of idea of what I want to do- and right now, it's just have fun. :)

My life has taken an interesting turn this year, but i just see where i'm at as temporary- a stepping stone to self actualization, if you will.

resolutions for 2010:

-get organized (this house specifically.)

-Make all A's (i know i can do it.)

-get my dad to put me on his health insurance- then get new lenses for my glasses. i'm tired of not being able to see. then, go to the dermatologist- because i'm tired of my skin hating me.

-make someone happy.

- (continue to) find joy in the little things

- stay under 110. unless i go to the gym- muscle weight gain is alowed. but not too much. (and we know i won't actually go to the gym- but i can try.)

-continue to develop my voice. i like the direction it's been going lately.

-ROCK my new dance class. :D (i refuse to stay uncoordinated.)

-learn to cook tiramisu

-make friends

-get a new wardrobe.

-stick with my goals.

happy 2010.